Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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