well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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