i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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