they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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