once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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