Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
