if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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