I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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