I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
