Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
