Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Porn is love you can see.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
