I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
