its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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