Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
