I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Randomize
