I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
