you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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