I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
