Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
