what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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