Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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