Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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