Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
