this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
