Just fell off a train. Bad.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
