you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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