is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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