it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
