so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
