Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
