no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
