he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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