What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize