i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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