A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
