I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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