Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
