Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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