tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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