giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
