this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
