Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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