you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize