I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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