can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
