Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was like giving head to a cactus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
