How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
