I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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