EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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