if you like me you must not know who I am
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
