You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
