The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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