Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
