Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He better not be in your backpack
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
