ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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