She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
