I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
