More tranny stories later!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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