Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
