went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize