I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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