My hand turned me down
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
