Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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