i would punch a child for taco bell
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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