Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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