my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i will never coherently bang her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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