still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize