I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
