I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
