It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
