cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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