super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
