I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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