and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
