I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
