My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize