worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
