i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
