All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
