Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
