thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
