I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize