I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
