i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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