Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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