exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
