if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
