First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
