I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
