I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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