his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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